Patient: Why is your arm bruised?
Me: I fell down the stairs.
Patient:…did your “roommate” hit you?
Me: No she didn’t hit me. I actually fell down the stairs.
Patient: Oh my God she better never hit you.
Me: I. Fell. Down. The. Stairs.
Patient: When are you going to get a husband?
Me:…I’ll take my chances with the stairs.
After wound care for a skin tear.
Patient: If I had it my way I would just cover it in mentholatum and leave it uncovered.
Me: Good thing we don’t do it your way or else we’d have a minty infection.
Patient: That’s why I love you, you don’t fall for half the bull I fool the other nurses with.
Me: After 4 years and
a mustard and jelly sandwich I gotcha figured out.