Patient: Why is your arm bruised?

Me: I fell down the stairs.

Patient:…did your “roommate” hit you?

Me: No she didn’t hit me. I actually fell down the stairs.

Patient: Oh my God she better never hit you.

Me: I. Fell. Down. The. Stairs.

Patient: When are you going to get a husband?

Me:…I’ll take my chances with the stairs.

After wound care for a skin tear.

Patient: If I had it my way I would just cover it in mentholatum and leave it uncovered.

Me: Good thing we don’t do it your way or else we’d have a minty infection.

Patient: That’s why I love you, you don’t fall for half the bull I fool the other nurses with.

Me: After 4 years and
a mustard and jelly sandwich I gotcha figured out.